Tom Bell Begins

Does Tom Bell ever really start? Is that the point? Should we care? Thrice nay. It wouldn't be a surprise if this nervy, eccentric and eloquent 30-year-old with "a complexion of a drowned Elizabethan" (one of a handful of good lines) became the next Paul Foot.

However, given that Foot is failure and genius by turn, this is a double-edged sentiment and on this occasion Bell deserves only the former label. If ever there were a case for not unleashing a show until it is ready, this hour is it. A succession of easy targets including the lurid headlines of Love It! magazine, the naff stories carried by a local magazine he once worked on and the character of a misogynistic Australian comedian are joined with a guest appearance by Neptune, who asks us to re-think sea-based proverbs in the face of unsustainable fishing, and Bell's butler Alfred, a Michael Caine tribute character.

Even out of context you get the idea of how much this show is groping for some comedy manna. It should, at least, be hit-and-miss but the results resemble a bad day on Family Fortunes. The premise on which all this foppish frippery is hung is equally loose, following, chronologically, a few key autobiographical points, but initially presented as a Hollywood style "re-boot" of his life. Despite this mess, Bell's CV shows prolific activity and he's not the sort to disappear without trace. Perhaps there is hope for the future then – but, for now, this is tosh.