An Audience With...

It's not just impoverished young actors and comics trying to make it big – there's proper celebrities at the Fringe, too. But what to expect from an evening with the stars? Fest reads between the lines

feature (edinburgh) | Read in About 5 minutes

121329 original

By Ed Ballard

Published 25 Jul 2014

121329 original

Every summer, a bunch of celebrities will decide that they need to do a run at the Fringe. The reasons are familiar enough – they're going through a costly divorce, or a cushy sinecure has been taken away from them, and now they need a few bob to make it through to retirement.

Or maybe they've simply reached the point where they don't care what anybody thinks. They've always wanted to do an one-man show, and who's going to stop them? Some celebrities have spent so long on the Personal Reminiscences circuit—running through the same old anecdotes, year after year—that it's become a kind of profession. But judging by their programme blurbs, these shows are a nightmare for the public relations professionals who have to sell them. Ed Ballard reads between the lines of a small selection...

Ian Lavender: Don't Tell Him Pike

Don't tell him Pike...but maybe he will! To clarify, he definitely will. If you leave the show without having been told anything by Pike, it's time to ask for a refund. Enjoy an afternoon Unless you're on the list for the after-party, in which case you'll be up till dawn, you lucky thing with Ian 'Stupid Boy' Lavender A bit harsh to slag him off in his own press release, no? in conversation with Edinburgh's Steven McNicoll. Dad's Army was Ian's first professional job No, it was NOT his last professional job as well, thank you very much and he found himself thrown into a group of some of the best and funniest actors in the business. We were going to take issue with this, but it turns out that John Le Mesurier actually did win the inaugural Nobel Prize for comedy. Dad's Army became one of the most popular and iconic television programmes on the BBC with a following which included Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother in her Scottish eyrie The Queen Mother spent her summers in an eagle's nest and had an all-weather television installed so that she could watch Dad's Army while coddling her royal egrets. This is the kind of trivia you can expect to glean from an afternoon with Ian Lavender who weekly delayed evening dinner to watch. Your questions welcomed But not by people who raise their hands only to hilariously blurt out "Don't tell him, Pike," or address Mr. Lavender as a "stupid boy", because he doesn't have to take any of that shit, he has his limits and answered with truth and humour resignation and accompanying visual clips. Watch Ian's expression closely as he looks at his younger self being yelled at by Mainwaring for the ten-thousandth time.

Jeremy Paxman: Paxo

Treading the hallowed boards Does the stage at the Pleasance Courtyard even have boards? If so, have they been accredited for Hallowed status? Without wanting to invoke the Trades Description Act, Fest is nevertheless dubious for the first time, broadcaster, author and "Spitting Image" puppet He can't take credit for the puppet, though Jeremy Paxman spins lyrical on pogonophobia We're damned if we're consulting a dictionary for you, Jeremy, underpants and the human condition In other words, his brief is briefs, and everything else in existence. Directed by Sarah Esdaile Nice work if you can get it with surprises galore Puppetry of the Paxo. That's all we're saying an opportunity to personally quiz the grand inquisitor himself Don't expect to get an answer, though, not even if you repeat your question 12 times. Slippery bugger PAXO unstuffs Sauce! the man ranked by GQ magazine as 'Britain's 26th rudest person' An accolade ranked by Fest magazine as "The Fringe's 17th lamest accolade"

Blofeld & Baxter: Memories of Test Match Special

Back by popular demand! Always be wary of a blurb that relies on exclamation marks Even more untold stories from TMS! Uh-oh... Henry Blofeld and Peter Baxter cordially invite you to join them on a trip down memory lane to discover fascinating untold stories Such as "The Time Aggers Thought Henry Said A Rude Word And It Turned Out He Actually Didn't, But Honestly It Sounded Jolly Rude" from the TMS commentary box and beyond. A cruel joke, surely? Henry Blofeld hasn't been allowed out of the box since 1989 except for stage shows Hear tales from across the globe with exclusive behind-the-scenes adventures such as The Mystery Of The Jam On The MCC Tie with the characters that make TMS so special. "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willie. Get it? DO YOU GET IT?" New for Edinburgh, 'direct from the booth' insights from the Ashes and the latest on the continuing turmoil in cricket. Current-events! Controversy! Hold on, what turmoil are we talking about again? This hilariously entertaining An adjective phrase plucked straight from the top drawer of press-release boilerplate show is for both cricket and non-cricket lovers alike. More accurately, "this show is for cricket-lovers."

Nancy Dell'Olio: Rainbows from Diamonds

TV personality Nancy Dell’Olio reveals her secrets to surviving with glamour. This makes glamour sound like a debilitating disease... Biting critique of celebrity culture, or dodgy syntax? We're going with the former. Go Nancy! This is a woman Damn right! who has never let fate smudge her make-up. Screw you, fate! With unrestrained ...underwear? Italian underwear? glamour no comment and self-deprecating wit, Nancy shares her beliefs on choosing how to live with yourself, even if your life is a media sensation. Rule one: If you're not a media sensation, maybe go on Strictly Come Dancing. Confessional This sounds like it could get gloomy, witty and inspirational Not buying it, Nancy holds court in an entertaining hour Alarm bells are sounding, sharing her passion for life, and her advice for getting through the dark times Rule two: never downsize, no matter what the rent-collectors say – even if they start taking your STUFF, the MONSTERS, holding firm to the knowledge that the best is yet to come. That's right, Nancy. Chin up. Forget the Q&A session, wouid you like a hug?