The Fest Directory: Catriona Knox

City Restaurant

35 Nicolson St, Edinburgh, EH8 9BE

Often confused with City Café, but never half as lauded which amazes me. I mean, who would choose comfy booths and ‘posh’ burger and cheese over a place that shamelessly proclaims in its sticky-to-touch-menu: "all our dishes come with chips; no extra cost"? My point being, I don’t like my mutton dressed up as lamb. City Restaurant is happy in its own greasy skin and I love it for that.

food; 8

drink; 4

atmosphere; 8

Fringeyness; 7

Secret Weapon: The salt 'n’ sauce.

Fatal Flaw: You tend to come out smelling like you’ve been marinating in vegetable oil overnight.

Lovecrumbs

155 West Port, Edinburgh, EH3 9DP

Like all achingly hip places, it’s tricky to fathom whether the design of this cafe is pure cutting-edge brilliance or pure Grandma’s front room. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much mis-matched crockery in one space. But it’s great. The main selling point for me is that they display their (incredibly delicious) cakes in a vintage wardrobe which lends the whole experience that elusive Narnia-cum-John Lewis appeal. "I’ll have a slice of the lemon drizzle please, yes the one sitting in the hat drawer." 

food; 10

drink; 10 – You get a flask of hot water to top up your tea.

atmosphere; 8

Fringeyness; 5

Secret Weapon: Bang for your buck: literally huge slabs of cake.

Fatal Flaw: Hipsters.

The Waverley

1 St Mary's Street, Edinburgh, EH1 1TA

This pub is slap bang in the middle of the Fringe, at the busy end of the Royal Mile but you’d never know it to walk in there. Mainly because most of the time you can’t walk in there – the opening times are scattergun at best. But get through the door and you’ll find a peaceful little haven of wonder. They have old cinema chairs which are monumentally uncomfortable and I was once served a pint of Guinness that tasted of socks, but it all adds to the vibe.

food; that bag of McCoy’s gets a 10 from me.

drink; 9

atmosphere; 9

Fringeyness; 3

Secret Weapon: Chock-full of really old men so you can have a history lesson into the bargain.

Fatal Flaw: Mainly closed.

The Scotch Malt Whisky Society

The Vaults, 87 Giles St, Edinburgh, EH6 6BZ

After three weeks of Haribo Tangfastics and late night Crunchy Nut Cornflake binges I do sometimes crave something a little more… stuck up. This place is pure Edinburgh refinement and you can sample everything from popcorn flavoured whisky to a dram with a hint of fish and chips. Don’t expect anything other than whisky, but choice is overrated by week three of the Fringe anyway. It’s members-only but you can go in as a guest. So you’ve got three weeks to get yourself a rich friend. Go!

food; Unsampled (I went there during week 3 – my wallet couldn’t have taken the hit).

drink; 10.

atmosphere; 8.

Fringeyness; 0

Secret Weapon; do I have to say it again? It sells only whisky.

Fatal flaw; Members only. I mean, please.

The Dogs

110 Hanover St, Edinburgh, EH2 1DR

I have to admit, I did hope there might be a Highland Terrier or two looking up at me while I sipped my Merlot. Or at least a Chihuahua maître d’. But this is actually quite proper, this place. Down to earth at the same time – I had a thing called a stargazy pie with an entire pilchard, head, eyes and all sticking out the top of the mashed potato. It’s not a dish you tend to see on a menu, perhaps for good reason, but they’ve got the gumption to pull it off.

food; 8

drink; 7

atmosphere; 9

Fringeyness; 6

Secret Weapon: All the dog ephemera. It will keep you entertained if you have a dull dining companion.

Fatal Flaw: All the dog ephemera. Can be grating.