Ten years of Fest

John Leslie gets chucked out of the Underbelly (2003)

 “Leslie must be a bit of a numpty to draw attention to himself like this.” - Underbelly spokeswoman.

 At the peak of his infamy (a mere two weeks after being cleared for serious sexual assault charges) beleaguered TV presenter John Leslie plus ten “drunk, rowdy, loud and abusive” friends, including tabloid darling and then girlfriend Abi Titmuss, are kicked out of the Underbelly for disrupting Gary Le Strange’s set. Allegedly. The Daily Mail buys the story from Fest for £1,000, puts a reporter on the next plane to Edinburgh and promises a £3,000 bonus for any evidence of Leslie tucking into the white stuff to boot. Allegedly. Leslie and friends are quietly escorted from the premises. 

 Bowling with the Hamiltons (2006)

“Martin, I don't quite know what you have got us into. We are in a taxi having been kidnapped by a bunch [of people] calling themselves journalists. They say they want to take us bowling. Please call me back when you get this.” - Christine Hamilton

The beyond-parody Christine Hamilton, fresh from a stint on I’m a Celebrity... and having endured a good sluicing in the gutter press with her husband Neil, nervously phones her PR ahead of her Fest interview.

 
 Fest publisher Sam Friedman gets plastered in Amsterdam with Hans Teeuwen (2009)

“Teeuwen never drinks or smokes before a gig. 'But there's no gig tonight', he tells me, with a mischievous grin. Next thing I know it's 2am and I'm staggering home with a belly full of Dutch lager and a head full of fantastic, outrageous Teeuwen stories, all of which - sadly - are completely off the record.” - Sam Friedman 

Having been flown out to the Dutch capital for a pre-Edinburgh tête-à-tête with Holland’s finest, Fest hits the bars of Amsterdam (not those bars). The rest is a little blurry...

 
 The next Big Thing (2009)

“We’re doing something with him; he’s bloody good.” - Jane Berthoud

Two years ago, Fest meets up with Head of BBC Radio Comedy Jane Berthoud for an eye-opening spot of talent-scouting around the city’s smaller venues. She’s got some serious sway. We’re told about the little-known Nathan Caton, who’s just caught Berthoud’s eye at the minuscule Pleasance Attic. Skip forward a year or two, and, off the back of that show, Caton’s been commissioned to write his own series for Radio 4.

 

Brendon Burns dries out (2006)

“I went mad, full-blown absolutely fucking mental. I mean we're talking a wrap of coke and swig of cognac before picking up my boy from school. [I’d hit] rock bottom.” - Brendon Burns

Aussie comic Brendon Burns, in a very candid mood, remembers the morning in late February 2006 when he finally decided to pack in the drugs having awoken to find himself covered in his own faeces, a year of relentless hedonism having taken a heavy toll.

Tommy vs the tabloids (2007)
 

“If it was on the news that five News of the World journalists had been shot dead in their offices, the police would have called it a massacre. I call that a start.” - Tommy Sheridan.  

Sunbed socialist Sheridan gave a characteristically mouthy interview to promote his damp squib of a chat show. This, of course, was before his tortuous legal battle with the NotW landed him on the wrong side of a perjury charge. Today, with the bronzed swinger behind bars and his Fleet Street adversaries joining the dole queue, neither looks too clever.
 

 

Junta the ladyboy (2008)  

“Making the decision to leave behind all my sexual inhibitions, I slip off my flimsy boxers and try on his faintly warm thong.” - Junta Sekimori 

In an impressive feat of self-sacrifice, Fest staffer Junta Sekimori volunteered to “fake it” as one of the Ladyboys of Bangkok. Cue graphic descriptions of body hair removal, genital contortion and the challenge of walking with a wiggle. Disturbingly, he pulled it off rather well. 
 

 

Jim Rose - Has it come to this? (2008)

“Rose's eager and animated front gives way to an element of lethargy when discussing the future. The bright eyes become dull and a hint of fear creeps in: perhaps what once was can never be reenacted.” - Chris Williams

The ringmaster of the wrong and star of many a 90s freak show spoke with all the slick soundbites and outrageous anecdotes afforded by his years in the spotlight. But behind the madman veneer was a faintly tragic truth that even the most grotesque exhibition of sex and mutilation will eventually get old.

 

Fern Brady tries standup (2009)

“I have spent the last four weeks shaking, hyperventilating and feeling so ill that I lost half a stone from shitting out what felt like all of my internal organs.” - Fern Brady

It may sound like the effects of some horrific intestinal disease, but this was our petrified writer’s response to the prospect of performing standup for the first time. Brady joined the ranks of critics who have dared to ask “How hard can it be?” and survived a baptism of fire before a crowd of hundreds. Unlike others, though, she has since gone on to pursue a career in comedy.

 

Kids comedy feature (2009)

“One kid looked me in the eye and said, ‘I’m scared of the dinosaur of your life and my life.’ It was terrifying.” - Tiernan Douieb

Forget the howling wreckheads at Late ‘n’ Live – this look at the growing popularity of comedy shows for children established the under-7s as the weirdest crowd around. Adam Hills and Brendon Burns were among the comics who turned out a catalogue of the surreal and sometimes sinister responses their kid-friendly gigs had received.