So gouda

39658 original

I was once persuaded to do a photocall on the Royal Mile dressed as a giant wedge of cheese. I agreed to do it only if I got to make the costume myself (I’m a lifelong crafter), but like most things in my life it turned out to be much, much harder than I thought. The cheese suit took me and my girlfriend 8 hours, 3 rolls of fun foam, 2 rows and 1 tearful episode to make.

Despite the adversity I was actually feeling quite chipper when I got out on the streets - I had a plate of cheese and pineapple sticks that I was going to hand out, and I had even thought of a joke I could do - when the punter took at bite of the cheese I would scream “Ow!”

The day came, the rain peed down, the photographers stayed away and the police told me it was illegal to hand out food to the public.

I had nowhere to leave the plate. Every so often some kind soul would venture out from under a shop awning, approach me and ask for a canape and I had to refuse them.

Still it could have been worse. I had made the costume pointy end up, thus forming a natural roof for the rain to run off. The other way up would’ve been a complete disaster.