How are ya doin' Edinburgh!

It’s 7-times winner Radio Personality of the Year, Halifax Hospital Radio, Bradford Radio 6, CEO of Zany's Nightclub Skipton and Corfu, Creative Director of the Skipton School of Dance…

Don't be nasty, show us your pasty!!! Don't be shy, show us your pie!!! Don’t be sad, have a laugh!!!

Yes, it's me, DJ Barry Peters up here at the festival to give me old mate, comedian and fellow wrongman, Mike Keat, a hand in his debut stand up show The Lyin', Bitch and the Wardrobe.

Isn’t this city on fire just now! It’s like a 50 denier tight cystitisfire! Only dampened by the young Oxbridge "actors" trying to get you to come and see their contemporary shit-spear shows using Freddy Mercury's lyrics... it’s a bloody crime! For a start, Mercury was the best entertainer this country has ever seen and for anyone to say that he was a gay must be plain stupid... He had a huge mustache for Christ's sake!

Mike's show has been going really well, I think since the inclusion of meself and street defence master Zen Basten, who is a lovely fella, although a little bit liberal in his world view. I mean yesterday, he was sunbathing naked down at Portobello Beach and managed to encourage me down to me speedos, which caused a bit of hoo-haa with the local chavvys. Anyways, Zen was unapologetic for being a naked-smith, gave them a couple of liver shots and we were back up at the castle for a spot of lunch and to hear the canons roar at 2 o'clock.

Last night I had to leave town because I had a gig booked in Peebles. It was a 60th birthday for an old mate of mine - Tam Weir Jnr. That’s right, celebrated hill walker, historian and naturalist Tam Weir's son, God rest his soul, (Tam Snr that is). Everybody had a great night and after I finished the show with an unaccompanied version of Mary My Scotch Bluebell, I was hailed a hero and given a lift back to Edinburgh by the green goddess herself, Celina Scott, who tried to get me up to her flat in Broughten Street for a spot of hide the sausage. But, as you know, I am currently dating Sue Pollard and don’t want to arse this one up by baggin off with some over the hill keep fit merchant. So I shagged her in the car.

Anyway, we are half way through the festival now and the thinking woman's Frank Carson has arrived in town for his Fullmooners show tonight. That’s right, young Andy Maxwell. I am going to jump on and do a turn for him tonight and hopefully he can hold his beer a bit better than last time as his bladder voided at four in the morning when we were up Arthur Seat and it was very embarrassing walking up the Royal Mile with him spannered in his piss stained trousers, not able to get a taxi. None of yer shit (or piss), Andrew!

Don’t be shy, show us your pie!!
Dont be sad, have a laugh!!
And just because we are in Edinburgh, don’t be an arsehole, show us your parcel!!

Baz Peters, signing off... See you at Mike's show, or Mooners, or in the Penny Black at 6 am most days… X